Welcome
Most men are waiting for life to calm down. But the truth is, storms aren’t optional. Divorce. Job loss. Betrayal. Shattered expectations. They’re not punishments — they’re God’s refining fire. His wave crashing into your false self, stripping away the lies that have defined your identity. The false self hides behind shame, fear, and control. It survives on distraction, survival, and people-pleasing. But it can’t survive the storm. And that’s the point. The storm is where God does His best work. When the storm shatters the false self, what’s left is the man God always intended: Rooted in Christ Capable of intimacy without fear Living with vision, purpose, and courage Creating, building, and investing in others That’s why I do this work. I don’t promise comfort or quick fixes. I prepare men for the storm. I train men to recognize dysregulation, regulate their fire, and anchor in Christ — so that when the storm comes, they don’t drown. They rise. They are forged. They walk in freedom. You don’t need to be perfect to change your life. You just need to be honest. Calm in the Storm. Forged by Fire. Free in Christ.
About Big Merc
I know what it’s like to live armored up. Calm on the outside, but burning on the inside. Rage, shame, near divorce — I’ve walked through it. The storms of life — betrayal, failure, shattered expectations — didn’t destroy me. They exposed me. They burned away the false self I was hiding behind and forced me to face who I really was. By God’s grace, I found a way forward. I learned to regulate my fire, anchor in Christ, and lead with honesty instead of fear. Now, I coach Christian men who feel like their emotions are getting the best of them. Men who want to heal their marriage, walk in purpose, and finally be free from shame. I don’t sell quick fixes. I prepare men for the storm. Because storms will come — not to drown you, but to forge you into the man God intended you to be. Calm in the Storm. Forged by Fire. Free in Christ.
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Shame & Blame:
The Hidden Barrier in Marriage
Shame & Blame: The Hidden Barrier in Marriage
Most men don’t realize why intimacy feels so hard.
It’s not because you don’t love your wife.
It’s because shame is in the driver’s seat.
Shame fuses your mistakes with your identity.
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Guilt says: “I did something wrong.”
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Shame says: “I am something wrong.”​
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And when you feel defective at your core, you protect yourself with blame:
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Blaming her words, her tone, her timing.
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Blaming circumstances, stress, or your past.
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Anything to avoid facing the deep ache of “I’m not enough.”
But here’s the truth: shame and blame don’t create safety — they destroy it. They block intimacy, trust, and connection.
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The Way Through
You don’t overcome shame by pretending it’s not there. You overcome it by naming it, regulating your fire, and anchoring your identity in Christ.
When you drop the armor of blame and face the storm of shame head-on, you find freedom. And in that freedom, real intimacy can finally grow.
YOU ARE NOT YOUR FALSE SELF
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