Welcome
Most men aren’t broken — they’re dysregulated.
They’ve learned to survive, not to feel. To lead, but not to love.
The storm isn’t punishment — it’s refinement.
God uses pressure to strip away the false self built from shame, fear, and control — so the real man can rise.
I help men regulate their fire, rebuild identity in Christ, and lead from peace instead of panic.
Because when the storm hits, you don’t have to drown.
You can rise — forged, grounded, and free.
Welcome to the Forge.
About Big Merc
Calm in the Storm. Forged by Fire. Free in Christ. I know what it’s like to live armored up — calm on the outside, burning on the inside. Rage, shame, near divorce — I’ve walked through it all. The storms of life didn’t destroy me. They exposed me. They stripped away the false self I built to survive — the part of me that confused control with strength and silence with peace. By God’s grace, I found a new way forward. I learned to regulate my fire, heal my nervous system, and rebuild my identity in Christ. Now, I coach Christian men who are done pretending they’re “fine.” Men who feel like their emotions are running their lives — but who are ready to face the storm, regulate their bodies, and walk in truth. Through the Kurtis Teaching Library (KTL) — a framework built on nervous system science, identity work, and spiritual formation — I help men move from dysregulation to freedom, from reaction to purpose, from survival to strength. I don’t offer comfort or quick fixes. I prepare men for the storm — not to drown, but to rise. Forged. Rooted. Free.
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Shame & Blame:
The Hidden Barrier in Marriage
Shame & Blame: The Hidden Barrier in Marriage
Most men don’t realize why intimacy feels so hard.
It’s not because you don’t love your wife.
It’s because shame is in the driver’s seat.
Shame fuses your mistakes with your identity.
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Guilt says: “I did something wrong.”
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Shame says: “I am something wrong.”
And when you feel defective at your core, you protect yourself with blame:
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Blaming her words, her tone, her timing.
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Blaming circumstances, stress, or your past.
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Anything to avoid facing the deep ache of “I’m not enough.”
But here’s the truth: shame and blame don’t create safety — they destroy it. They block intimacy, trust, and connection.
The Way Through
You don’t overcome shame by pretending it’s not there. You overcome it by naming it, regulating your fire, and anchoring your identity in Christ.
When you drop the armor of blame and face the storm of shame head-on, you find freedom. And in that freedom, real intimacy can finally grow.
YOU ARE NOT YOUR FALSE SELF
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WHAT'S UNDER THE HOOD?
The Teaching
Library
The Framework That Turns Chaos Into Clarity
Every man’s story is different — but the patterns underneath are the same.
That’s why I built the Kurtis Teaching Library (KTL) — a map of the nervous system, the soul, and the storm.
This is the framework I use with every client — whether we’re rebuilding a marriage, healing emotional wounds, or learning to lead from peace instead of panic.
The KTL brings together psychology, nervous system science, and spiritual formation — helping you understand why you react the way you do, and how to finally take back control of your body, emotions, and mind.
You’ll learn how to:
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Recognize and regulate dysregulation (Polyvagal Theory)
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Heal childhood patterns and emotional roots (Inner Child & Parenting Work)
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Drop the armor and live from your True Self (Identity Work)
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Lead and love from strength, not survival (Fire & Compassion Method)
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Reconnect with God as your anchor and guide (The Divine Canopy)
It’s not about self-help. It’s about integration — bringing your nervous system, emotions, and faith into alignment so your life stops running on autopilot.
The KTL is more than a framework — it’s the foundation for becoming a whole man.
The Blog
Real Conversations for Men in the Storm
This is where I break down the raw truth about emotional health, marriage, and the battle between your false self and your true self.
Each post is a short, powerful teaching — designed to help you recognize the storms in your own life and find peace in the middle of them.
No fluff. No clichés. Just grounded wisdom, real psychology, and Christ-centered truth.
Here’s what you’ll find:
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Emotional Frameworks: How to recognize dysregulation and reclaim peace.
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Marriage & Intimacy: How to rebuild safety when connection feels impossible.
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Identity & Faith: How to live from your True Self, not your wounds.
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Spiritual Formation: How God uses pressure to shape purpose.
The Videos
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Real Transformation in Real Time
The storm doesn’t wait — and neither should your healing.
My long-form videos are where I go deep: breaking down emotion, marriage, faith, and fire with practical tools and grounded truth.
Every video connects back to the KTL — helping men understand how their nervous system, emotions, and spirit all work together to create lasting change.
You’ll learn how to:
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Recognize when you’re dysregulated — and bring yourself back to peace.
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Lead your marriage with strength and safety.
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Transform shame into purpose.
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Anchor your identity in Christ when life hits hard.
